I was in tears listening to Steven’s Narrative, I related to his speaking of “pain” N.H.S.H was a building of pain! The “deep sense of pain” that he spoke of is that of what I remember. I was a teenager with teenager issues. I lived on a ward of older women, on most days I was fearful, so I had to act tough, tough I was not. I remember being an angry teenager and would have teenager temper tantrums…… but here in the world of N.H.S.H, a teenager tantrum would signal the ALARM on the men’s side, in came the troops, mostly men, and I would be placed into 4 point restraints with a sheet tied across my chest.
I was a student in the S.H.E.P.. I looked forward to going to school. I was safe when I was in S.H.E.P, I was safe away from the ward of yelling, crying, moaning and violent men and women in the day room. I would get picked up about 8:00 – 9:00 am and be gone until 2:00 – 3:00 pm.. I hated going back to the ward. My fear wall would go back up.
This place was no place for a child, let alone a adult. I am not saying most did not need to be there, but “there” could have been a much better place, safer place. I saw and experienced things that no young teenager should have had to see and experience! Today I am better for my experience. however, some never lived to tell of their experience. I have been a voice for them and I am thankful to see that while i was there. Steven was already aware of issues. But for some it was too late, for me I had a worker who believed in me, loved me and helped me survive North Hampton State Hospital.
I am a grown woman now, educated and living a very productive life, married to a wonderful lady who knows my state Hospital story. However, she will never be able to understand the deep rooted pain I feel or memories I have of North Hampton State Hospital. the emotional damage of being there and what I experienced will never go away. I have just learned to live with it and every now again, it will creep up and haunt me. but, I am a strong women and I always beat the haunt.
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